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One of the things I love most about the holiday season is the way it’s a baked-in set of traditions that help us transition into the cold months ahead.
I think of it a bit like an animal preparing to hibernate for the winter; they instinctively find all the things they’ll need to be comfortable and to carry them through the next season.
I think the winter holidays accomplish those same goals, right?
We invest in what we’ll need to get us through those cold, short days ahead, like leaning into comfort foods, bringing out the fluffy blankets, and making our homes cozy and inviting.
Even more importantly, we carve out time to be with the people we love as we move into a season where most of us are a little more isolated and more likely to hunker down at home. This time of year allows us to intentionally fill up on all those feelings of connection and community we need so much as humans.
This is also a time when we’re already thinking about gratitude—something else that helps carry us through those dark winter months and allows us to continue to thrive.
Gratitude is more than a warm, fuzzy feeling; it’s a key to our own personal growth.
When we intentionally lean into gratitude, we have to think more deeply about who we are, what fuels us, and what allows us to be the best versions of ourselves. We build stronger relationships when we take the time to appreciate the care and effort we see in the people around us. We look at the world through a more positive lens and can recognize all the opportunities available to us.
Gratitude and grit go hand-in-hand.
To me, there are three key ways we can increase gratitude so that it helps fuel our growth:
Make gratitude a daily practice.
Find joy in the journey.
Give back.
Make Gratitude a Daily Practice
I’ll never be able to say enough about the transformative power of gratitude because I’ve experienced how life-changing it can be. Leaning into gratitude was the very first step I took in moving through my grief; it was the first shift that helped me start my healing process. Every night, I just said out loud—because I didn't even have the energy to do something like journaling—the things that I was grateful for in my life.
At the time, I didn't know all the science behind how important gratitude is for resilience, mental well-being, and personal growth. I was just genuinely desperate to focus my attention on anything other than my pain, to redirect my focus in a healthier direction. Later, when I learned all the research about gratitude, I could connect the dots on why it was such a game-changer for me.
Gratitude isn't just about listing off the things you're thankful for; it's about not losing sight of the good.
When you intentionally develop a gratitude practice, it primes your brain to notice the positive. There's so much chaos in the world around us, and it's easy to get swept up in the negativity. A gratitude practice trains your brain to notice the good things in your life and in the world, which changes the way you see and experience the journey.
This time of year, we’re all thinking a little more about the people and things in our lives that we value and appreciate. It’s part of what makes these holidays so special and something we look forward to all year long. But we can intentionally carry that warm, thankful attitude into every single day just by carving out a few moments of gratitude.
Two Ways to Embrace Gratitude in Your Daily Rhythm:
Bookend Your Day with Gratitude:
In the morning, when we first wake up, we’re so quick to start ticking through our to-do list; at night, as we’re falling asleep, we’re usually doing the same thing. It can take less than 30 seconds to just intentionally pause and list a few things you’re grateful for. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate; just carve out a moment of simple appreciation in two moments you experience every day.
Embrace Optimism:
I love the way my guy Simon Sinek defines optimism:
We all have aspirations for how we can make our lives better--for ourselves, for our kids, for our families. We want to achieve more in our careers, be in a more secure financial position, change systems for the better. But while we're hoping for and working toward better, we can't lose sight of what we already have.
Cultivating gratitude and cultivating optimism overlap in the most beautiful way. Gratitude keeps us grounded while optimism keeps us striving for our goals. Having both is saying, "I feel good about where I am, and I feel good about where I'm going."
Red-Light Gratitude:
I learned this one when I spoke to Jenn Drummond for In the Details. Jenn told me that when she drove through her town, she always seemed to get stuck at the same red light. It was a frustrating part of her daily life. And then one day she had a thought: What if, instead of focusing on the negative, she used that red-light moment as a chance to reflect on the good?
So whenever she got “stuck” at that red light, she decided to use the time to sink into a moment of gratitude for something good in her life. Find that moment that slows you down every day, and intentionally take back that time by using it for gratitude.
Find Joy in the Journey
One way we can balance our plans for the future and our gratitude for all we already have is by intentionally finding joy in the journey. We don’t have to deviate from our route, but when we shift our focus away from the destination, we give ourselves the chance to find fulfillment all along the way.
Finding more joy in the journey is really just about challenging our need for a fast-paced life. You can live in the present, prioritize your health, invest in things that simply make you happy, and still be working toward your goals.
I think we all know that deep down—where we get stuck, though, is trying to rush the outcome. We place so much pressure on ourselves to reach those goals that we push out anything that feels like it could be slowing us down.
But here’s a hard truth that high-achievers like us have to hear: No matter how hard you try, no matter how much hard work you put in, you can’t rush the end result.
You can only do your best in any given moment—because you have no idea what other moments need to stack up in alignment to help you get to that end goal. You can't do anything to force that next moment or predict what it will be. That's why taking a more mindful approach to goals and life is a more sustainable way of living.
Give Back
There’s so much data that shows that, even though we’re constantly connected through technology, we’re also in the middle of a loneliness epidemic that is truly hurting humanity. Many of us feel lonely regularly, which is positively correlated with shorter life spans, and lack social connections that can support us through challenging times.
One of the best ways we can intentionally create connections is through the gratitude that comes with giving back. But here’s something I want to emphasize:
When I talk about giving back, I’m not talking the standard stuff like spending a day at a food bank or dropping off some clothes you’re not wearing anymore.
I’m talking about three specific things: giving your attention, giving your time, and giving your resources.
Giving Your Attention
How often do you see two or three people out together who aren’t interacting because they’re so focused on their devices? How often are you caught in a scenario just like that?
Your attention is one of the most precious commodities because you cannot divide it—whatever gets your attention gets 100% of you. So be intentional about who and what get your attention:
When you’re talking to colleagues, ask them questions that will deepen your relationship and be mindful about giving your full attention to what they share.
When you sit down at the dinner table with your family, even if it only happens once a week, have everyone leave their tech on the charger for that time you have together.
When you’re finding yourself distracted by something going on while someone else is speaking, be human and honest. It’s okay to say to the other person, “I’m sorry, I’m getting a little distracted by the noise from the hallway. Could you give me a second to close the door? I really want to hear what you have to say.”
When you give people your full attention, you’re giving back in the most precious way, because you’re intentionally feeding those connections.
Giving Your Time
Giving your time to someone or something is one of the most meaningful things you can do, because our time is finite—we literally can never get it back.
Be intentional about where you’re spending your time and who you’re spending it with.
Maybe you’re like my friend who makes time twice a week to sit down to a meal with her family, even though their schedules are pulling them in a million different directions, because everyone will have a chance to catch up and reconnect.
Maybe you’re like another one of my friends, whose daughter waits until bedtime to share all of the stories from her day—she decided that rather than focusing on bedtime, she could embrace those thirty minutes where her kiddo wants to share—even if it’s mostly to delay going to sleep.
Maybe you’re like me, and you make time to play pickleball with friends, even if it means some emails will have to wait until tomorrow, because you know that you’ll all leave laughing and smiling.
If we know that this loneliness epidemic is hurting us, then you have to consider that you may have some relationships with people who are not helping fuel your feelings of connection—and they’re not helping you grow. Give your time to people who are focused on growth, people who find joy in the journey, people who have an attitude of gratitude.
Sometimes that means making some hard decisions about who and what you make time for in your life, but it truly is as simple as pausing to ask yourself, “Is this time well-spent?”
Giving Your Resources
I saw this post recently that really hit home:
When we have resources to spare, we can also be intentional with how we share them. When you take time to think about how you can make an impact, on a human level, it shifts that exchange into something that helps you connect with your fellow humans, which amplifies the good you can do. Here are a few ideas:
Instead of just dropping clothes off at your local collection bin, find some of your professional pieces that you no longer wear. Have them cleaned and pressed, and then take them to a local shelter, where people need those clothes for going out on job interviews.
Connect with a local organization that helps support families with loved ones undergoing medical treatment—like Ronald McDonald House or Fisher House—and ask whether they’re in need of meal donations. Homecooked meals give those families a chance to connect and take one to-do (and expense) off their list for the day.
Find your local “giving tree” or wish drive (they’re often in community centers, malls, and places of worship) or call your local school district or women’s center to find out if they have a program to sponsor a child or a family.
I’m not asking you to commit to volunteering every day for a year. I’m asking you to take one day or make one phone call to find one way to make another person’s life better. Look for something you can do that shows another person that someone out there cares about them—even if you’ll never meet that person.
Remember, these practices are about small, consistent actions. We can create a more fulfilling and meaningful life by cultivating gratitude, finding joy in the journey, and prioritizing connection.
Let's start building a world where gratitude and connection are the norm, not the exception, and are things we value and prioritize all year long.
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